You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
