Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
