our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
