The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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