She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
