if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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