Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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