Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
