Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
