PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
