I wish I only lived at night.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
