nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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