I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
