you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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