I'm so fucking centered right now
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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