This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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