its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think your dad took our porno
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
