apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
