I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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