i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
