I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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