Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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