I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
vagina is talking i cant
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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