I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
