There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
