Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
