Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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