$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
