i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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