My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
