well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
