It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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