New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
