But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
