we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
