the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
