I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
