If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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