I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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