My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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