the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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