If i come over, it means nothing
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
