Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
