if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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