Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
did i walk over a car last night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
