Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
