someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
