brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
