His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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