Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
