you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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