batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They are going to name an STD after you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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