Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize