After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
