I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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