Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Two words: blizzard sex
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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