she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
