I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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