where am i from again
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
