shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
