If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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