i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize