so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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