shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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