Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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