I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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