I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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