Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
