Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
